<-- Back to Current Category
Filtering Values in the Dating Game
By: Brian Maloney, Mon Feb 27th, 2006
Ever noticed that when dating, no one really wants to take the
first step and open up a dialogue on a subject with depth and
substance?
It would seem only natural to try to obtain such vital
information in order to make a reasonable assessment as to
whether your date could have potential.
However, most people, due to either being too uptight, or merely
too busy playing the “let me put on my best face front”, whether
it’s you or just a fraction of you, do not probe for the others’
values initially.
This, yet not brain surgery, can become quiet a hurdle to
overcome even for the most savvy of daters.
Unfortunately, it may take many dates to overcome this obstacle
and if you find that this person, is indeed not someone worth
proceeding with, then guess what? You not only may have wasted
your money, but worst yet, you wasted that precious commodity
called time..
Do this enough, and you can see and sympathize with good people
who just want to find another good person to spend the rest of
their life with.
Certainly, I wouldn’t advocate anyone attempting the hard-line
approach with a prospective mate by asking them to “not beat
around the bush” or to “bottom-line me”.
This will more than likely cause a seemingly fun loving person
to simply disregard you due to your edginess.
Therfore, if time is one of the most important things in the
world and wasting it is like sleeping on a bed of nails; one
would definitely have to discern that filtering and sifting
others’ values prior moving forward, would assist in this crazy
game.
Yes, the days of going on blind dates and getting set up by
others is still alive, but not as alive as it used to be, due to
the Internet, newspapers, and the like.
With that said, this emerging concept allows a seeker to almost
be able to pick and choose like shopping at the local grocery
store. This fact may sound crass, but it’s true, and this is
where the future of dating is heading, even though you still
will find a more unafraid crowd which some people would call
lonely hearts
I see this as intelligent people who, when they submit
themselves to a database of others, want to immerse themselves
into something worthwhile, sooner than later, instead of getting
lost in the potential maze of dating.
Of course this is not the only way to filter out bad apples.
One could take the classic route and blow off the dating
services, save their money, and forge ahead without that
assistance.
There is nothing wrong with this approach, but be prepared to
run through many more dead-end dates before finding that rose
among the thorns.
If, for example; you find out that your dealing with a person
who does not want children, but it took you several dates to
figure this out, then ascertaining this important fact on the
first, or at the latest the second date, should be a focus of
yours.
In a casual manner, many of important pieces of information
about another person’s value system can be obtained genuinely on
the first date.
The key is not beating them so hard over the head that it’s
obvious you have no possibility of being remotely flexible.
It’s like the same concept of people wanting everyone to ask
them for identification because it makes them feel safer from ID
theft, even though many of these new safeguards take more time.
People who have similar values as yourself will more than likely
appreciate your subtle curiosity and up-front persona.
Yes, it is a fine line we all walk because we want to come off
appealing, yet, we surely need to know certain things in order
to move forward with prospects.
Focus from here on out when dating to not only have a good time,
but to obtain information by asking appropriate questions over
the course of the date, rather than concentrating them over a
couple of minutes.
Without a doubt, this approach will pay dividends in your race
to capture that perfect someone to stroll down the aisle with.
--by Brian Maloney-ValuePrep.com Want to improve your personal
values? Get high-quality-relationship advice for guys and gals
from a 'Logical' standpoint. Visit ValuePrep - Relationship Advice
**Attn Ezine editors / Site Owners** Feel free to reprint this
article in its entirety in your ezine or on your website as long
as you leave all links in place, do not modify the content and
include our resource box as listed above.
About the author:
Brian Maloney is an online writer assisting others in
understanding their personal values within their relationships.
As site owner of the new ValuePrep.com, solid editorial is what
you can expect from him in the future along with his first book
to be released in 2005/6.
