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Commitment Phobia And Men
By: Rizal, Thu Jul 15th, 2010
The Fact
Fright of commitment among men is something that is so common today. It had
been there for ages, maybe as old as our civilization. Men were famous for their
reluctance to recede their independence. And a pledged relationship, such as a wedded
state, would continuously - at least in their cognition - cut them off from that privilege of
being single.
Men are, naturally, very self-supporting. They delighted to do and decide things for
themselves, and by themselves. Being bonded, for one, would make him lose his
freedom to do whatever he likes the way he prefers. There is even an old anecdote
around it: "It is said that the bride wears white coif because white represents
serenity and cheerfulness. If that's right, then why does the groom continuously wear
black?"
But, granting all this fright of commitment among men had been there for ages, it
had never been a serious complication until lately. Today, more and more men are
found to have to an uneasiness to pledged interrelation to some point, even to the
degree of phobia. Yes, more and more men get fearful of commitment today! What are
the root of it? And how can we deal with it?
The Originator
In today's world, the causes of afraid of committed relationships in men are no
longer as unmistakable as in a few decades ago. Whereas it's withal aligned that the
main cause for commitment dread among men is their reluctance to bail out
independence, today the advancements that women have reached also portray an
influential capacity.
Countless women now are financially much more independent. And more and more
occupations, that were traditionally handled by men now have been taken over by
women.
For ages, men normally have the function as provider for his house. That role had
given them meaning of surety. They knew that their h ouse (wife and kids) needed
them. The perception of being needed made him feel valuable.
The current developments, together with the advancements in newscasting modern
application that enable us to watch every news and styles among celebrities with all
their immoral stories, have degraded a lot of men's assurance and feeling of security.
The info about how multitudes of women now can betray their men easily and steal
their money, as well as their own bad involvements with women in their lives make the
conception of being sworn for a lifetime relationship to a single lover is unthinkably
scary!
And not only that. The ease trend now to have sex anytime they require also
contributes greatly to their indisposition to commit in relationships. There are more and
more women now who will not even think twice to do one night stand with a man they
know nothing about. And also that "friend with benefit" lifestyle that is so common today
makes many men consider that a sworn relation is just out of proportion.
Then What?
I think there's no such thing as a expressed resolution for this. If you are already in
a interrelation with a men with fearful of commitment, then you only have two choices:
either to end the relationship and save yourself from more forthcoming discompose
and misery, or to help him to surmount his afraid of committed relationships . The
second action of course is not easy. It will surely exhaust you mentally and emotionally.
But the option is yours to make. The key is, patience and endurance.
Frankly, I will not suggest to keep your tie with him unless you know very certainly,
with all you heart and spirit, that he is "the one" for you, your true one. But, even if he is, I
have to warn you: your endeavor to win him will be hard. You may need to stop meeting
him in person for a few weeks or even months (after having a heart-to-heart speak
about what you require from him in the relation) to give him time and space to reflect
and work out his problems. If he really loves you, then he will find himself at a point
where he is cognizant of that the thing he worries the most is losing you, not committing
to you.
And for you who have not been in interrelation, there are some signs of commitmentphobia that you can use to detect whether a potential man is
a sufferer of commitmentphobia or not. Preventing is ever easier than curing. So, if you
cognize that a guy friend suffers a commitmentphobia , do yourself a favor: run! Unless...
of course, you know deep within your heart that he is "the one".
